Monday, April 30, 2007

Not On The Front Page

From CNN Online:

The cost of educating border-crossing children


POSTED: 9:01 p.m. EDT, April 29, 2007 CNN News Online
HOUSTON, Texas (AP) -- Thousands of Mexican children are flocking across the U.S. border to attend school, sparking a debate in towns along the border over whether U.S. taxpayers should have to bear the costs of educating them.
The border crossing is so common in El Paso that officials opened a special lane just for students this month.
The Houston Chronicle reported Sunday that more than 1,200 people passed through that lane from Mexico on a recent morning.
Some were college or private school students, but many were coming to attend public schools.
The influx has prompted complaints from those opposed to spending U.S. tax dollars to teach students from Mexico.
The issue is especially timely in El Paso, where the school district -- which expects to take in 10,000 new students in the next five to eight years -- is preparing for a $230 million bond election for new schools next month.
Elaine Hampton, a professor at the University of Texas-El Paso, says the strained state of public education in Mexico pushes many students across the Rio Grande, just as the hope of better jobs entices their parents.
The growth of Mexican border towns like Ciudad Juarez far outpaces the government's ability to build schools, Hampton said, forcing many to turn away students. Mexican schools also can be too expensive for some parents, charging fees for books, photocopies and sometimes even the cost of administering a test.
Although many school officials are unhappy about the situation, they say there are few ways to control the number of Mexican residents attending their schools.
As long as a parent or guardian has proof of residency in that school district -- such as a water bill or lease -- their child can attend. Many of the students were born in U.S. hospitals, making them U.S. citizens who live in Mexico. Others use the addresses of American friends or relatives.
Community pressure has pushed other districts to crack down on those who violate residency requirements.
Susan Carlson, a spokeswoman for the United ISD in Laredo, said her district's schools are extra vigilant with residency checks and recently began fining students found breaking residency rules.
Luis Villalobos, a spokesman for the El Paso Independent School District, said the district has seven officers checking out potentially false addresses.
Copyright 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Se Cae

Did I tell you about one of the times Casi Italiano almost died? It was a cool autumn afternoon in the late 70's. The three siblings Suave - Periodista, Casi Italiano and myself were playing Public Safety Officers and Fleeing Suspects on the vacant property on Pigeon beach, next to the abondoned cottage. While Periodista and I were hugging the ground shooting each other, Casi Italiano climbed an old weeping willow tree and dangled above us. Periodista and I were absorded in our efforts to riddle each other with imaginary bullets, when Casi Italiano appeared between us in a puff of dust. He fell belly-first with a muffled thud, and bounced once. He didn't move for awhile. Niether did Periodista or I, caught as we were between wanting to laugh at how funny this was, or panic and shriek like school girls. Eventually we hurried over to our fallen brother and poked him a bit, saying, "Hey, get up", and "Are you all right?". For what seemed an eternity the boy didn't breath. We gathered him up and shook him a bit, and he finally sucked in some air. Once he appeared to have come to his senses we let go and headed for home. Except Casi Italiano didn't follow, he just rambled on a path back through the field. We caught up to him and gave him the test we'd seen given to boxers on t.v. shows, "What's your name?", "What day is it?", "How many fingers...". We just got grunts from the poor lad.
We brought him back to Erie house with much effort, as he attempted to ramble away every few yards. Granny, shocked to see a catotonic kid stumble into the house, put him to bed with a wet rag on his forehead.
In the next installment of
The Times That Casi Italiano Almost Died I will recount for the Dear Reader
the time Yours Truly set Casi Italiano's head on fire.


Que dichosos somos,

Peps

Monday, April 23, 2007

Sheryl Crow

I am a fan of Sheryl Crow. She is a real big celebrity. She sings. She writes songs. She performs. Hence, I go to her for advice. Actually, she comes to me with her advice. As well, she comes to government officials with her advice and wags her talented finger.
Recently Sheryl offered us the latest in Celebrity Two-Bits We Didn't Solicit (CTBWDS). She wants us to use a nary one square of toilet paper @ sitting to address natures call, maybe a couple more on sittings when nature is more aggressive. This she brainstormed between gigs on her tour bus.
May I opine? A few suggestions for my Sheryls and Bruces and Chicks and Shawn Penns and whatnot:

1. Go acoustic. Always.
2. Refrain from electronic amplification of your voice or instruments.
3. Interviews should be done only with journalists using notebooks and pencil. Shoot, notebooks and pencils are the Auschwitz of our forests... Don't do interviews.
4. Use public transportation. And green public transportation, at that. Don't disappoint. I'd be broken hearted to see Angela and Brad lugging their gaggle of kiddies in a non-hybrid taxi.
5. Concerts should be lit by natural lighting. Day shows only.
6. All celebrities should live and pontificate in communal villages that put in to practice ideas sprung from very fortunate people with lots of leisure time and a huge public platform from which to spew.

Think of it. My ideas, adopted by real smart celebrities, and this world will be as green as a pickle....

Boca chancleta,

Profesor Suave

Saturday, April 21, 2007

En Huelga

Pardon the sabbatical. I was protesting the weather.
Now it is nice; seventy degrees and sunny.
I blog again.

Llegue,
Peps

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Llega la Primavera

Spring is in the air. Somewhere. As I shoveled my drive this week, I planned my spring projects. Shoving slush to the side, I began to prioritize the projects by cost, time to complete, and marital stress. The cost criteria has been made simple, thanks to the economy. Our budget for the season is the sum total of our returnables in the garage. That knocks off the patio project, which would have been directed by Bompa Suave.
Bompa didn't volunteer, it is just that he has an impressive wood deck background. Over several years he and a swarthy gang of buddies, weekend carpenters all, have managed to install a wood deck that spans the entire north shore of Lake Erie. Although dear Pepina and I plan on a low-key 12x12 affair, Bomps might wind up engineering a deck that would render my lawnmower useless.
The shed project is off the list, too. The Suave one-car garage is that in theory only. The Asian Express is parked sideways in bad weather, its so tight in there. You can open the car, reach out, and open the house without getting out of the car. Yes, a shed would be nice. That is, if there is room for it after the deck is built.
Reality is, our spring projects consist of fueling the lawnmower and then cutting the lawn on a regular basis. It we are especially motivated, we might apply water, sparingly.

Gozando de la primavera,

P. Suave

Friday, April 06, 2007

The Captain




Mr. Steve Yzerman, the Red Wing legend, visited Pepinoville tonight. He dropped the puck to begin the game. Li'l Pepinita appeared on the big screen holding her Red Wings poster. It was a fitting night of fun as we celebrated El Lector's birthday with many of his friends and family in attendance.
Cinco por pelear,
Pepino "Blue Line" Suave

Sunday, April 01, 2007

BlogLog 4

1. Coffee/Potty routine
2. Newspaper check routine
3. Get pretty for church
4. Church
5. Opa's for dinner. Li'l Pepinita choose rollerblading as our after-dinner activity. We rollerbladed around the Villa Abuela (depending on the time of year, all of Li'l Pepinita's surviving grandparents live in the same apartment complex), only falling twice. Upon returning to Opa's apartment, we watched Bonanza. I miss that show.
6. Returned home to putz.
We're still putzing, but looking forward to the highlight of the evening: America's Favorite Videos. Get your popcorn...

Gozando de la vida,

P. "Vago" Suave

BlogLog 3.5 or "Vacation, All I Ever Wanted"

Here I provide you with the remainder of Vacation Day 1, continued from yesterday's entry, everything that happened after I retrieved the paper, but merely in sequential order. I will not date stamp Suave BlogLogs for the rest of vacation, as Pepinita is mildly irritated that I check my watch whenever anything is said or done. Sorry. Happy wife, happy life.).

Post newspaper reading:

1. Li'l Pepinita arises from the two-thirds of a super-California-king size bed that she has occupied since she shifted from her bedroom to ours in the wee hours of the morning. She has superhuman stretching powers - she can elongate her 85 pounds of body mass to occupy the same space that the largest man on earth could occupy, lying prostrate. Some girl. Pepina and I go to the chiropractor often to offset of sleeping on a portion of the matress equivalent to an army cot.
2. Li'l Pepinita walks into the dinning room and exclaims, "I'm hungry". I make pancakes. She eats them as quickly as I make 'em. As she chews, she reveals her plans for April Fools Day. It's secret. I can't tell.
3. Pepina awakes. She ambles into the dining room holding her forehead. Bingo. First head cold of vacation*
4. Pepina shares with us a book idea she has, then proceeds to go off to the office and begin writing it. I take the pancakes to her, hence the sticky keyboard that now plagues me as I post this entry. Note that Pepina is often inspired musically or literally. What separates her from the mortals is her tendency to act on the inspiration. Immediately.
5. Li'l Pepinita tends to her hygiene while I mop up the kitchen and Pepina reads us her first draft.
6. Spring putzing. Three hours of clean this, move that, smell it, etc. Our first day of spring cleaning is usually "freestyle" putzing. We just keep moving, and let our creative side guide us. During our first session, our major accomplishments included: Pepina sterilized the bathroom, I moved the firewood from the garage to the backyard, and Li'l Pepinita inventoried her dominoes.
7. Lunch/read/nap
8. YPCA. While Pepina stayed home to nurse her vacation illness, Li'l Pepinita and I went to the YPCA. We usually begin our workout with one half-hour on the tredmill. Li'l Pepinita walks while watching cartoons, and I run while watching CNN. Why, this particular day a very polite YPCA assistant informed us that you had to be 10 years old to be on the machine. All this winter we had been breaking policy! We looked at each other in shock. We had broken a rule for health! Shaking it off, Talea moved one machine over to the bike and pedaled until Sponge Bob was over, then we went to the pool.
9, We arrived home, water still in our ears, to a homemade dinner, Mom sitting at the table waiting for us. I felt like Mr. Cleaver. 'Twas a tasy feast: nachos, salad, rice and beans, and yogurt and pineapple for dessert.
10. The girls watched/I slept through that baseball movie about the old pitcher/coach/science teacher (Dennis Quade) that made it to the Bigs.
11. I put Li'l Pepinita to bed, or visa versa
12. Lights out in the Sauve abode. Day 1 put to rest.

Descanso mucho,

P. Suave

*The Suave clan has a Kennedyesque tragic quality. We fall ill only during major holidays. We've fallen into the grip of pneumonia, bronchial infections, sinus infections, flu, and colds mostly during Thanksgiving and Easter holidays. It is an unsettling irony considering the fact that we enjoy fabulous good fortune during business hours. Ah, fate.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

BlogLog 3 - Vacation Edition

You asked for it, Suave Fans. Only here do we provide you with the ever-popular Pepino Sauve BlogLog - Vacation Edition. That's right, spring break began at 11:30 a.m. yesterday, when my little charges went charging out of the doors of Bob the Gorila's Home for Wayward Mocosos. To begin, I'll briefly log the morning, as the day has only just begun (does that make you hum a Carpenter's tune?), and then periodically BlogLog throughout our week of leisure:

6:15 Wake up breathing like an asthmatic, only to discover Anglela La Gata Diabolica, the inspiration of my first entry of vacation, sitting on my head.
6:16 Pad to the kitchen and fix a pot of coffee
6:19 Pad to the door to check for the paper, in vain (who am I kidding?)
6:23 Stretch in front of the t.v. As I do Pepino Yoga, I view an O.J. Simpson documentary on MSNBC, sip coffee, and avoid squashing a tenacious cat.
6:35 Inspired, I sit at the computer and begin my first entry of vacation, entitled, "La Gata Diabolica", literary candy about the family cat (see below), while checking for the morning paper every five minutes, in vain.
7:15 Succesfully retrieve the daily paper from the stoop, bring it into the office and finish this entry.

Stay tuned for more.

Leo el periodico,

Peps

La Gata Diabolica



The photo above was just taken. It is a picture of the Suave family pet, Angela La Gata Diabolica. As I write these words, she is perched on the windowsill just to my left and above my head. She peers down at me as I craft this esoteric entry. We have obscured her eyes to help protect her anonimity. Once the picture is snapped, we take out the glowing red contacts, and leave Angela La Gata Diabolica in peace. We thank her for her help and patience in creating this post for our readership.
Angela la Gata Diabolica has been freeloading off the Familia Suave fortune since October. We welcomed her into our home upon Pepinita's 8th going on 21st birthday in October. Pepinita loves Angela, and versa visa. Still, fate may never have tossed the feline into our otherwise petless lives. If it weren't for the goodwill of Stosh the Pepinoville drunk, the Suave abode would be without a furry mooch. Yes, it was Stosh the Drunk who finally tired enough for me to pry the cat from his musty, street weary arms, and accept an economically-sized bottle of Pepperment libation in return. Although his weeping obscured his words, Stosh the Drunk seemed grateful. He raised a grimy eyebrow and said, and I paraphrase because his blubbering left him even more inarticulate than usual but with a queer old English accent, "My gratitude for tearing this burden from me, in exchange for this bottle of rotgut, you rogue....", he rambled. Street people. Anyway, I got a cat for my kid, and forcibly relieved an indigent of some worry. All in a day.
So that is how I came to have a cat stare at me from above while I tap out this essay. When not freaking me out, Angela the Gata Diabolica entertains Pepinita by letting herself be prodded, carried, tossed, and pulled. In between these torture sessions she sleeps in the sun, eats expensive cat food, poops and pees in expensive cat litter, and sits on our heads if we so much as stop moving for a moment.
Thank you Stosh the Drunk for the cat. It only took me a few days to wash the stench of the street from Angelica and myself. I will always consider our frenzied wrestling match for the cat a struggle of love. I only wish the police felt the same.

La gata me mira como la bruja que es,

P. Suave el Distinguido

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Line-Leader of the Future

Kindergartner Being Groomed For Line-Leader Position

The Onion

Kindergartner Being Groomed For Line-Leader Position

BELLE MEADE, TN—Kindergarten teacher and mentor Mrs. Allen believes 6-year-old Gregory Hutter "has what it takes" for the coveted post.



Pepino Pals/Educational reformers: Read this about tomorrow's hope; the kindergarten line-leader. Double click on the title of the article for more.

Todo educativo,

Profesor Suave

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Junior Varsity Frenesi

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Pictured above are some of the finest, most intellegent, photogenic students in Cuke County. They are playing the Junior Varsity version of the mad-cap fast-past game of Frenzy. Each student has a beautifully illustrated body part card. As the dealer gives a card to each student, the kids shout out, in Spanish, the name of the card ("Rey", "Diez", "Caballero"), until two kids get two of the same cards. Those two kids have to shout out the other kids designated body part first (ties go to the traditional "Piedra, Papel, Tijeras" (Rock, Paper, Scissors) tie-breaker). Loads of fun, tears and jeers included.
Me pagan por eso,
Profesor Suave

Maestro Raro ll

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Here, a fabulously talented second grader points to one of the three "ojos" of the wierd teacher illustration, a Bob el Gorila rite of passage.
No diga a nadie,
Profesor Suaveson

El Maestro Raro

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The Maestro Raro activity is the Spanish class equivalent to the Bar Mitzva. Early each spring, Yippee Skippee second graders identify facial features of the Wierd Teacher and become official Junior Varsity members of the Bob el Gorila Experience.
Above, Juan Diego Pasqual de la Mancha Raul Jackson is about to point out one of the two noses of the Weird Teacher. Congrats, Juan Diego, you are now one of us.
Super Orgulloso,
Prof. Suave

Mas Varsity Frenesi

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You can feel the competitive tension as varsity members of the March Madness Frenzi tournament is played on table 2, featuring the illustrations: El papa lee, el muchacho compra, la muchacha hace un sandwich de bologna, and finally the fan favorite, el hombre vende tortillas. May the best chamaco win!
Atentamente,
Prof. Suave

Varsity Frenesi

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There is nothing quite like the level of play in a Varsity Frenzy match. Picured above are competitors at table 1, where the highest level of competition can be found. Featured illustrations are: El caballo pregunta, El hombre lleva tortillas, El muchacho va, and El papa se sienta. Hold on to your sillas.
No se puesta nada,
Prof. Suave

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Caricaturas




The winter blues, mid-age funk, the-world-coming-to-and-end getting to you? Pepino S. has the answer for you: the daily cartoons. Watching/listening/reading the daily news slowly began to effect ol' Peppy. Iraq, angry conservatives, angry liberals, the economy, shockingly inept people-in-leadership, missing children, failed good guys, successful bad guys, all worked its way to make Yours Truly truly befuddled. News wasn't informing, it was simply depressing.
Until I turned to the daily comics. I'm not burying my head in the sand, no, I'm burying my head in Peanuts, Dennis the Menace, et al. Anything illustrated with a pen except Doonesbury (my fellow cartoon jonsers call it "Doomsbury").
Join us in our fight against media enhanced reality. Escape to the comics.

Salgo de la realidad,

Pepino "Mandrake" Suave

Saturday, March 17, 2007

El Rostro


The youngsters at Bob the Gorila's Home for Wayward Guerkins help create the portrait of Yours Truly featured above. Students were ordered, in Spanish, to grab a marker and draw a particular facial feature. The final product contained dos narices, dos ojos grandes, y un ojo chiquito, cuatro oidos, una boca grande, y mucho pelo. They were pleased with their work. I was unsettled.
Mas feo que el diablo,
Profesor Suave

Futbol

Yea, I know. I am supposed to have an entry filled with profundity and dry wit this morning. Alas, it has been a long week without Pepino Parsed Prose, hasn't it Pepino Heads? Inspiration will have to wait 'till after Li'l Pepinita's futsol double-header this afternoon. We get two hours of pre-adolescent female athletics. This is one event in which the fans (parents) are much more interested in the match than the participants (girls).....

Hasta pronto,

Pepino Fanatico

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Fresco

An uneventful week in Pepinoville, home of things Suave. Weather turns towards spring, and a slow, sunny melt has turned the fluff into slush. Nieghbors meet at the end of the driveway and bang on ice, attempting to reclaim cement lost months ago. Cars carry a film of salt dust, and every other mailbox leans away from the snow plow or inexperienced driver that tapped them during the previous storms.
Futsol season nears an end as mitts and bats come up from the basement. The YMCA is less crowded. Humans begin to outnumber the geese at the park. The river unfroze.
I think I'll go sort out my shorts. Maybe take my bike off the garage rafter.

Llega la primavera,

Pepino S.