Pinguinos

Pinguino Suave, one of the most intelligent and handsome members of the Pepino Suave Experience (some say he is 10 times more intelligent than Einstien, others argue he is more than 15.98706534 times more intelligent. You be the judge), has his world-reknown Penguin exhibit featured at the Pepinoville Public Library lobby display case this month. Folks from all over Cuke County are coming in throngs to view his collection of vintage polar fowl.

Orgulloso,

Profesor Suave

Li'l Pepinita

Li'l Pepinita has a new blog! Go to www.pepinita21.blogspot.com, or double click on Li'l Pepinita on the side bar. She'd love it if you stop by...

Orgulloso,

Papa Pepino

La Presidencia

I've spent a good part of this last winter storm following the presidential election. I'm not learning a whole lot from the process, except that to be the leader of the free world you have to want it more than the very air you breath. I'm not sure I desire for the world a leader who wants the job that badly. Still, if I were elected president, I would be the first pepino in the White House. Never happened before. Look it up.

This is what I would do in my first 100 days:

1. Outlaw unsolicited advice
2. Make a presidential initiative for the promotion of the use of the phrase "I don't know". Mandate that it be used whenever a citizen doesn't really know something. Violators would be sent to Guantanamo without trial.
3. Sign into law the "Universal Snow Day", whereas all employees in both the private and public sectors get the day off when schools are closed because of the weather. We need more people on the sledding hills and at the YMCA pool when there is an Act of God.
4. Declare "Woopsy-Daisy" an official part of the American lexicon in honor of a dear patriot, Granny, who used the term whenever gravity did what gravity does (someone falls, "woopsy-daisy!", the foul ball hits a windshield, "woopsy-daisy!", someone accidently gets water-boarded, "woopsy-daisy!"....)
5. Promote the revival of the daily newspapers, two in each town across the nation. Ban internet news of any kind. Subsidize heath care for paperboys. Mandate a maximum age for paper delivery personell. And encourage the use of bowler hats for journalists (a nice touch, I think).

Amo la democracia,

Presidente Suave

Dia de Nieve

A blizzard smacked Pepinoville like pie on Soupy Sale's face. In a mere few hours, we went from a soggy 45 degrees to 6 degrees with a delightful concoction of wind, ice and snow. Pepinoville Heights Public Schools are closed for the day, as is every public facility on this side of the penninsula. Yippy-skippy!
My snow day goal is to grade 70 research papers. This is made much easier without 70 fifth graders, a hyper-active intercom system, "support" staff, and fatigue. It is amazing how much teaching you can get done without students, etc.
Got to go. The coffee's ready...

Bailando la bachata de nieve,
Profesor Suave

Descanso

Winter break is not for the weak-hearted. I can hear the jeers from thousands of Suave fans as they react to this comment. Still, the truth is, not everyone can handle huge gobs of vacation time. If I'm wrong, I challenge you to quit your current job and join the ranks of us "seasonally employed". Can you live up to the society's huge expectations of those compelled to fill hours of free time?
Why, I am writing this blog smack-dab in the middle of an island of rest and relaxation: one of Public Education's many ironies, the Christmas Vacation. For an institution that frowns at any form of personal expression beyond the book report, seems odd that it closes for a couple of weeks in the name of a Messiah. Come on, the "Holiday Break" hardly masks the intent. Ho-ho.
While most of the adult world labors in darkness, let me share with you a day in the life of an idle man. Let's review yesterday, the day after Christmas, which just happens to be celebrated by half the world while school is out.
1. Woke up, checked for paper (mere ceremony)
2. Tinkered with one of Pepinita's toys that I have not yet assembled as needed
3. Gathered layers of clothes and skates
4. P. Suave and the chicks left the house in search of a sheet of ice
5. After circling town, found some free skating at a rink on our side of town (thank goodness we took the Asian Express. The Bavarian Express would have sucked a tank of gas)
6. Skated in wide circles, pausing to fall from time to time. The highlight was watching Pepinita practice jumping over the boards to sit on the bench, "like they do on t.v.", and then jumping over the boards back onto the ice. She found much more diversion in this than in actually skating. A rink employee eventually came around to tell us we had to stay on the ice, didn't want anyone cracking their cranium.
7. Picked up our good friend and Free Market Fanatic, Contable, and drove back across town to a warehouse of bulk merchandise. We bought things we never intended, but saved a ton of dough.
8. Dropped Chicks off at the Butcher of Pepinoville for a shampoo and haircut.
9. Balanced check book
10. Ate dinner of left-over Christmas ham and read until bedtime

You, too, can live the life of Riley. Join us, won't you?

Disfrutando del tiempo libre,

Peps

Christmas

PEACE

Mal Economia

Underfunded Schools Forced To Cut Past Tense From Language Programs
November 30, 2007


WASHINGTON—Faced with ongoing budget crises, underfunded schools nationwide are increasingly left with no option but to cut the past tense—a grammatical construction traditionally used to relate all actions, and states that have transpired at an earlier point in time—from their standard English and language arts programs.

A Chicago-area teacher begins the new past tense–free curriculum.
A part of American school curricula for more than 200 years, the past tense was deemed by school administrators to be too expensive to keep in primary and secondary education.
"This was by no means an easy decision, but teaching our students how to conjugate verbs in a way that would allow them to describe events that have already occurred is a luxury that we can no longer afford," Phoenix-area high-school principal Sam Pennock said. "With our current budget, the past tense must unfortunately become a thing of the past."
In the most dramatic display of the new trend yet, the Tennessee Department of Education decided Monday to remove "-ed" endings from all of the state's English classrooms, saving struggling schools an estimated $3 million each year. Officials say they plan to slowly phase out the tense by first eliminating the past perfect; once students have adjusted to the change, the past progressive, the past continuous, the past perfect progressive, and the simple past will be cut. Hundreds of school districts across the country are expected to follow suit.
"This is the end of an era," said Alicia Reynolds, a school district director in Tuscaloosa, AL. "For some, reading and writing about things not immediately taking place was almost as much a part of school as history class and social studies."
"That is, until we were forced to drop history class and social studies a couple of months ago," Reynolds added.
Nevertheless, a number of educators are coming out against the cuts, claiming that the embattled verb tense, while outmoded, still plays an important role in the development of today's youth.
"Much like art and music, the past tense provides students with a unique and consistent outlet for self-expression," South Boston English teacher David Floen said. "Without it I fear many of our students will lack a number of important creative skills. Like being able to describe anything that happened earlier in the day."
Despite concerns that cutting the past-tense will prevent graduates from communicating effectively in the workplace, the home, the grocery store, church, and various other public spaces, a number of lawmakers, such as Utah Sen. Orrin Hatch, have welcomed the cuts as proof that the American school system is taking a more forward-thinking approach to education.
"Our tax dollars should be spent preparing our children for the future, not for what has already happened," Hatch said at a recent press conference. "It's about time we stopped wasting everyone's time with who 'did' what or 'went' where. The past tense is, by definition, outdated."
Said Hatch, "I can't even remember the last time I had to use it."
Past-tense instruction is only the latest school program to face the chopping block. School districts in California have been forced to cut addition and subtraction from their math departments, while nearly all high schools have reduced foreign language courses to only the most basic phrases, including "May I please use the bathroom?" and "No, I do not want to go to the beach with Maria and Juan." Some legislators are even calling for an end to teaching grammar itself, saying that in many inner-city school districts, where funding is most lacking, students rarely use grammar at all.
Regardless of the recent upheaval, students throughout the country are learning to accept, and even embrace, the change to their curriculum.

"At first I think the decision to drop the past tense from class is ridiculous, and I feel very upset by it," said David Keller, a seventh-grade student at Hampstead School in Fort Meyers, FL. "But now, it's almost like it never happens.

(excerpt from The Onion - www.theonion.com)

Para el futuro,

Profesor Suave

El Domingo Feo

Snow, ice, sleet, and freezing rain has pummeled Metropolitan Pepinoville since early yesterday evening. Thankfully, the cats and dogs aren't in this particular biblical weather system.
The Good Pastor Julie has assigned Yours Truly to be the Lutheran Weather Watchman for Pepinoville's Lutheran Saints of the Potluck Church and Fellowship Hall. I'll count it as my stewardship for this season (Note to Pastor: what box on the envelope do I check?).
As Lutherans aren't tied to the ol' salvation by deeds, I don't really have to shovel snow or scrape ice. My obligation extends to looking at the frozen muck, pondering "why is this?", and having faith that it, too, will pass in time; like every worldly event but maybe the Easter Vigil service (attended once by my Upper Case Catholic family members who still swear that its length and relative monotony exempt them from mass for a year. Its like paying penance forward, they claim).
The Good Pastor has this humble lamb stationed out in front of the church at dawn, bound in long underwear and a baggy winter coat, to inform her decision to close service or not (which is irrelevant 'cause Lutherans don't let Acts of God stop us. We'd drive miles in a plague of flying frogs to get to Coffee Hour). Still, it gives this ol' Pepino a purpose beyond my action-packed Sunday School lessons (I plan to have the Junior Christians play Books of the Bible Bumpity-Bump-Bump this morning, weather permitting [Kids stand in a circle, me in the middle, and if I point to you, you have to shout out your book of the Bible before I say Bumpity-Bump-Bump. Stinks to be Thessalonians]).
See ya' in the Narthex!

Ten fe,

Pepino "Weatherman" Suave

Headline News

Cat survives 19 days with peanut butter jar stuck on head
BARTLETT, Tenn. (AP) -- Tabitha Cain has fed a feral cat she calls Wild Oats for several years, but now she's thinking of changing the feline's name to Survivor.
That's because she says the cat survived for 19 days with a peanut butter jar stuck on its head.
"We tried to get her, but being the type of cat you can't catch, she kept running and hiding," said Doretha Cain, Tabitha's mother.
The family saw the cat several times with the jar on its head and tried in vain to catch it. But after not seeing the cat for a week, the Cains feared the worst.
"I thought she was going to die with that jar on her head," said Tabitha Cain, 25.
They found the once chubby cat on Wednesday, too thin and weak to flee. They caught her with a fishing net and used some oil to get the jar off her head.
They gave her water and treated her wounds and on Friday she began to eat again.
"I've heard of cats having nine lives but I think this one has 19 because she survived 19 days," Doretha Cain said.
Memphis veterinarian Gerald Blackburn said he's heard similar stories of pets getting trapped for days or even weeks at a time and surviving.
Blackburn said the cat may have lived off of its excess fat.
Copyright 2007 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved

Entregandoles las noticias que tienen que saber,

Peridodista Sauve

Micro Fiao

Muhammad Yunus has had phenomenal success helping people lift themselves out of poverty in rural Bangladesh by providing them with credit without requiring collateral. Yunus developed his revolutionary micro-credit system with the belief that it would be a cost effective and scalable weapon to fight poverty.
Yunus told his story and that of the bank in the book "Banker to the Poor," co-authored by him and Alan Jolis. In the book, Yunus recalls that in 1974 he was teaching economics at a Chittagong University in southern Bangladesh, when the country experienced a terrible famine in which thousands starved to death.
"We tried to ignore it," he says. "But then skeleton-like people began showing up in the capital, Dhaka. Soon the trickle became a flood. Hungry people were everywhere. Often they sat so still that one could not be sure whether they were alive or dead. They all looked alike: men, women, children. Old people looked like children, and children looked like old people.
The thrill he had once experienced studying economics and teaching his students elegant economic theories that could supposedly cure societal problems soon left him entirely. As the famine worsened he began to dread his own lectures.
"Nothing in the economic theories I taught reflected the life around me. How could I go on telling my students make believe stories in the name of economics? I needed to run away from these theories and from my textbooks and discover the real-life economics of a poor person's existence."
Yunus went to the nearby village of Jobra where he learned the economic realities of the poor. Yunus wanted to help, and he cooked up several plans working with his students. He found that one of his many ideas was more successful than the rest: offering people tiny loans for self-employment. Grameen Bank was born and an economic revolution had begun.
***
Grameen Bank has reversed conventional banking wisdom by focusing on women borrowers, dispensing of the requirement of collateral and extending loans only to the very poorest borrowers. In fact, to qualify for a loan from the Grameen Bank, a villager must demonstrate that her family owns less than one half acre of land.
The bank has provided $4.7 billion dollars to 4.4 million families in rural Bangladesh. With 1,417 branches, Grameen provides services in 51,000 villages, covering three quarters of all the villages in Bangladesh. Yet its system is largely based on mutual trust and the enterprise and accountability of millions of women villagers.
Today, more than 250 institutions in nearly 100 countries operate micro-credit programs based on the Grameen Bank model, while thousands of other micro-credit programs have emulated, adapted or been inspired by the Grameen Bank. According to one expert in innovative government, the program established by Yunus at the Grameen Bank "is the single most important development in the third world in the last 100 years, and I don't think any two people will disagree."
(Excerpt from http://www.pbs.org/)

Here is a great site to begin your own micro-lending: http://www.kiva.org/ (or double click on "Es Obvio" above).

Me quedo impresionado,

P. Suave

Dia de Accion de Gracias

Do we thank English or Spanish Pilgrims? Let the P.C. Police decide. In the meantime, thank God. Thanks, God.

Agradecido,

Peps y Familia

Feliz Cumpleanos

It is brother Casi Italiano's birthday today. As well, it is Veteran's day in the U.S., and Remembrance day in Canada. It is appropriate that we remember our veterans on CI's birthday. Why, he is a veteran himself, a veteran of mishaps and misfortune. You may remember, Neglected Reader, the tale of CI's fall from a tree which rendered him without memory of his own name until dinner time (see December, 06 entries). Or the time the author of these words inadvertently set CI's beetles-style mop afire with a book of matches. Or the time he ran full-force, face-first smack into an oak tree as he chased Sil the Milkman's truck, hoping for a free Popsicle (instead, he got a bag of frozen peas to ebb the swelling); a side note, CI still doesn't look where he is running, he simply doesn't run anymore. Hasn't smacked an oak since. I digress. Or the time he developed such a taste for corn on the cob he was hospitalized for corn-induced constipation. Ouch. Or the time he simultaneously smoked-out and skunked-out a neighbors house while babysitting. Fault CI for using the ornamental logs to start the fire in the ornamental fire place, but the skunk in the crawl space was some Higher Power's idea of a punch line. Divine overkill, if you ask me. Give the kid a break, for 2 Canadian bucks an hour to watch kids, you're lucky the cherubs are only hickory smoked and stinky by the end of the night. Pardon, again, the digression. As funny as that CI story is, I have the filial urge to defend.
He ain't heavy. He's my brother.
Let's doff our caps to our Casi Italiano today, and bid him a fine birthday.
CI, my legions of Readers and I wish you a year rich in fortune and an idle health care deductible.

Tu hermano,

Pepino Suave

Vuelvo

Hi America. It has been awhile since this ol' Pepino has tapped out an entry. Sorry for the lapse. It is not that I have forgotten you, dear Readers. No, I am simply re-tooling. I've changed jobs, Dear Pepina has joined the work force full-time (and is breaking in a new co-worker), and Li'l Talea enters mid-elementary.
Yes, I've resigned my position at Pepinoville Public Schools and moved on to Pepinoville Heights Public Schools (the districts motto: No Free Lunch Here). I've been busier than a one-legged man on an obstacle course.
Seems the goal of my current bastion of lower learning is to teach well while being as busy as possible doing so. It is a less reflective and more reactive environment, to say the least.
One last reflection before I start another day reacting:
I thought fund-raising was done when funds were needed. The fact that extremely wealthy communities perform countless fundraising activities seems a bit redundant. You've already raised the funds, people, and then some. Why re-raise funds you already have a lot of (pardon the dangle)? Get this: recently, our school in The Heights raised thousands of dollars by selling tickets to a dance that never existed. No kidding - they called it a "No-Show Ball". The gimmick is you just buy a ticket, and you don't have to go through the bother of going to the ball. Thousands of dollars for a no-show event. No wonder these folks are rich. Ingenious. No overhead. Just sell the tickets.
Maybe I could sell them on No-Learn Fifth Grade. I'd be the richest man in education. Pay me, your kids don't have to show up to my room. Ever. Cha-ching.


Pensandolo bien,

Profesor Suave

El Jefe

Words of wisdom from The Boss:

"These Are Better Days" by Bruce Springsteen

Well my soul checked out missing as I sat listening
To the hours and minutes tickin’ away
Yeah just sittin’ around waitin’ for my life to begin
While it was all just slippin’ away
I’m tired of waitin’ for tomorrow to come
Or that train to come roarin’ ’round the bend
I got a new suit of clothes, a pretty red rose
And a woman I can call my friend
These are better days baby
Yeah there’s better days shining through
These are better days baby
Better days with a girl like you
Well I took a piss at fortune’s sweet kiss
It’s like eatin’ caviar and dirt
It’s sad funny ending to find yourself pretending
A rich man in a poor man’s shirt
Now my ass was draggin’ when from a passin’ gypsy wagon
Your heart like a diamond shone
Tonight I’m layin’ in your arms carvin’ lucky charms
Out of these hard luck bones
These are better days baby
These are better days it’s true
These are better days
There’s better days shining through
Now a life of leisure and a pirate’s treasure
Don’t make much for tragedy
But it’s a sad man my friend who’s livin’ in his own skin
And can’t stand the company
Every fool’s got a reason for feelin’ sorry for himself
And turning his heart to stone
Tonight this fool’s halfway to heaven and just a mile outta hell
And I feel like I’m comin’ home
These are better days baby
There’s better days shining through
These are better days
Better days with a girl like you
These are better days baby
These are better days it’s true
These are better days
Better days are shining through

En la lucha,

P. Suave

La Negociante

Get them while they're hot:

Li'l Pepinita's Hand-Crafted Pot Holders

They are $3.oo a pop, and she is offering a new pattern each week, to be revealed on this very blog.
A pot holder would make a great gift for Christmas, or any other holiday! Buy your boss a pot holder for President's day; a swatch of yarn for grandma on Labor Day!
You snooze, you lose!


No hay fiao,

P. Suave

Ganamos

One picture. A thousand words.

The Summer Series of Euchre with Joe and Pete was more fun than pigs in mud, and included a trip to the beach.
We plan to return to the beach during the Winter '08 series, see a hockey game, and continue the euchre tournament.

Vencemos,

P. "Doble Euchre" Suave

Pete & Joe

The semi-annual Pete & Joe Euchre And A Game tour of Pepinoville is being held this weekend. This summer's event has been modified to Euchre And A Trip To The Beach, as the boys arrived late and P. Suave altered the agenda several times, leaving all parties baffled as to what, where, and how.
Last night's first round of the summer euchre series found Joe and Peppy on top, 3 games to 2. Pepina and Pete have no comment.
More to follow. We're off to the beach...

Barajando,

P. "What's Trump?" Suave

Ya

We finished. That's right, Dear Pepina and I transformed our neo-Eisenhower era den into a neo-Home Depot era den. And we're still talking! In fact, as we held each other, gazing at our freshly completed paint job, we planned our (seperate) vacations next year. Then Pepina released me from the head-lock, I untwisted her arm, and we went about cleaning up the brushes.

Here are pictures of our obra maestra, as it dries. Stay tuned for the "after" pix - with furniture in place and a roaring mid-august fire in the hearth.

Afanado,

Pintor Suave

El Gallo Pinto No Pinta

We've impulsively decided to paint the den, a room that hasn't been updated since the early sixties. Pepina primed the fireplace while I prepped the chocolate brown paneled walls and the wall-papered ceiling (we've decided to take down the faux wood Styrofoam beams - I carried them out to the trash looking much stronger than a wiry middle aged pepino should).
As of this morning, our marriage is intact and we continue to communicate civilly.
Stay tuned for the next step of the project: The First Coat or The Friday Fiasco

El que pinta es el pintor,

Pepino Pintor

Hay Pero Que Calor

Top 10 Summer '07 Things:
1. Hot, Hot, Hot
2. Corn on the cob
3. Peaches
4. YMCA Pool
5. Sprinklers
6. Lot's of Li'l Pepinita time
7. One-a-day icecream, with a Lipitor chaser
8. Air conditioned libraries
9. Aimless escapes (favorite so far: tubing the Muskeegon river. 4.5 hours of wet idleness)
10. Rinse, then repeat #'s 1-9

Calorifico,

P. Cogiendolo Suave