BlogLog 3 - Vacation Edition

You asked for it, Suave Fans. Only here do we provide you with the ever-popular Pepino Sauve BlogLog - Vacation Edition. That's right, spring break began at 11:30 a.m. yesterday, when my little charges went charging out of the doors of Bob the Gorila's Home for Wayward Mocosos. To begin, I'll briefly log the morning, as the day has only just begun (does that make you hum a Carpenter's tune?), and then periodically BlogLog throughout our week of leisure:

6:15 Wake up breathing like an asthmatic, only to discover Anglela La Gata Diabolica, the inspiration of my first entry of vacation, sitting on my head.
6:16 Pad to the kitchen and fix a pot of coffee
6:19 Pad to the door to check for the paper, in vain (who am I kidding?)
6:23 Stretch in front of the t.v. As I do Pepino Yoga, I view an O.J. Simpson documentary on MSNBC, sip coffee, and avoid squashing a tenacious cat.
6:35 Inspired, I sit at the computer and begin my first entry of vacation, entitled, "La Gata Diabolica", literary candy about the family cat (see below), while checking for the morning paper every five minutes, in vain.
7:15 Succesfully retrieve the daily paper from the stoop, bring it into the office and finish this entry.

Stay tuned for more.

Leo el periodico,

Peps

La Gata Diabolica

The photo above was just taken. It is a picture of the Suave family pet, Angela La Gata Diabolica. As I write these words, she is perched on the windowsill just to my left and above my head. She peers down at me as I craft this esoteric entry. We have obscured her eyes to help protect her anonimity. Once the picture is snapped, we take out the glowing red contacts, and leave Angela La Gata Diabolica in peace. We thank her for her help and patience in creating this post for our readership.
Angela la Gata Diabolica has been freeloading off the Familia Suave fortune since October. We welcomed her into our home upon Pepinita's 8th going on 21st birthday in October. Pepinita loves Angela, and versa visa. Still, fate may never have tossed the feline into our otherwise petless lives. If it weren't for the goodwill of Stosh the Pepinoville drunk, the Suave abode would be without a furry mooch. Yes, it was Stosh the Drunk who finally tired enough for me to pry the cat from his musty, street weary arms, and accept an economically-sized bottle of Pepperment libation in return. Although his weeping obscured his words, Stosh the Drunk seemed grateful. He raised a grimy eyebrow and said, and I paraphrase because his blubbering left him even more inarticulate than usual but with a queer old English accent, "My gratitude for tearing this burden from me, in exchange for this bottle of rotgut, you rogue....", he rambled. Street people. Anyway, I got a cat for my kid, and forcibly relieved an indigent of some worry. All in a day.
So that is how I came to have a cat stare at me from above while I tap out this essay. When not freaking me out, Angela the Gata Diabolica entertains Pepinita by letting herself be prodded, carried, tossed, and pulled. In between these torture sessions she sleeps in the sun, eats expensive cat food, poops and pees in expensive cat litter, and sits on our heads if we so much as stop moving for a moment.
Thank you Stosh the Drunk for the cat. It only took me a few days to wash the stench of the street from Angelica and myself. I will always consider our frenzied wrestling match for the cat a struggle of love. I only wish the police felt the same.

La gata me mira como la bruja que es,

P. Suave el Distinguido

Line-Leader of the Future

Kindergartner Being Groomed For Line-Leader Position

BELLE MEADE, TN—Kindergarten teacher and mentor Mrs. Allen believes 6-year-old Gregory Hutter "has what it takes" for the coveted post.

Pepino Pals/Educational reformers: Read this about tomorrow's hope; the kindergarten line-leader. Double click on the title of the article for more.

Todo educativo,

Profesor Suave

Junior Varsity Frenesi

Pictured above are some of the finest, most intellegent, photogenic students in Cuke County. They are playing the Junior Varsity version of the mad-cap fast-past game of Frenzy. Each student has a beautifully illustrated body part card. As the dealer gives a card to each student, the kids shout out, in Spanish, the name of the card ("Rey", "Diez", "Caballero"), until two kids get two of the same cards. Those two kids have to shout out the other kids designated body part first (ties go to the traditional "Piedra, Papel, Tijeras" (Rock, Paper, Scissors) tie-breaker). Loads of fun, tears and jeers included.

Me pagan por eso,

Profesor Suave

Maestro Raro ll

Here, a fabulously talented second grader points to one of the three "ojos" of the wierd teacher illustration, a Bob el Gorila rite of passage.

No diga a nadie,

Profesor Suaveson

El Maestro Raro

The Maestro Raro activity is the Spanish class equivalent to the Bar Mitzva. Early each spring, Yippee Skippee second graders identify facial features of the Wierd Teacher and become official Junior Varsity members of the Bob el Gorila Experience.

Above, Juan Diego Pasqual de la Mancha Raul Jackson is about to point out one of the two noses of the Weird Teacher. Congrats, Juan Diego, you are now one of us.

Super Orgulloso,

Prof. Suave

Mas Varsity Frenesi

You can feel the competitive tension as varsity members of the March Madness Frenzi tournament is played on table 2, featuring the illustrations: El papa lee, el muchacho compra, la muchacha hace un sandwich de bologna, and finally the fan favorite, el hombre vende tortillas. May the best chamaco win!

Atentamente,

Prof. Suave

Varsity Frenesi

There is nothing quite like the level of play in a Varsity Frenzy match. Picured above are competitors at table 1, where the highest level of competition can be found. Featured illustrations are: El caballo pregunta, El hombre lleva tortillas, El muchacho va, and El papa se sienta. Hold on to your sillas.

No se puesta nada,

Prof. Suave

Caricaturas

The winter blues, mid-age funk, the-world-coming-to-and-end getting to you? Pepino S. has the answer for you: the daily cartoons. Watching/listening/reading the daily news slowly began to effect ol' Peppy. Iraq, angry conservatives, angry liberals, the economy, shockingly inept people-in-leadership, missing children, failed good guys, successful bad guys, all worked its way to make Yours Truly truly befuddled. News wasn't informing, it was simply depressing.
Until I turned to the daily comics. I'm not burying my head in the sand, no, I'm burying my head in Peanuts, Dennis the Menace, et al. Anything illustrated with a pen except Doonesbury (my fellow cartoon jonsers call it "Doomsbury").
Join us in our fight against media enhanced reality. Escape to the comics.

Salgo de la realidad,

Pepino "Mandrake" Suave

El Rostro

The youngsters at Bob the Gorila's Home for Wayward Guerkins help create the portrait of Yours Truly featured above. Students were ordered, in Spanish, to grab a marker and draw a particular facial feature. The final product contained dos narices, dos ojos grandes, y un ojo chiquito, cuatro oidos, una boca grande, y mucho pelo. They were pleased with their work. I was unsettled.

Mas feo que el diablo,

Profesor Suave

Futbol

Yea, I know. I am supposed to have an entry filled with profundity and dry wit this morning. Alas, it has been a long week without Pepino Parsed Prose, hasn't it Pepino Heads? Inspiration will have to wait 'till after Li'l Pepinita's futsol double-header this afternoon. We get two hours of pre-adolescent female athletics. This is one event in which the fans (parents) are much more interested in the match than the participants (girls).....

Hasta pronto,

Pepino Fanatico

Fresco

An uneventful week in Pepinoville, home of things Suave. Weather turns towards spring, and a slow, sunny melt has turned the fluff into slush. Nieghbors meet at the end of the driveway and bang on ice, attempting to reclaim cement lost months ago. Cars carry a film of salt dust, and every other mailbox leans away from the snow plow or inexperienced driver that tapped them during the previous storms.
Futsol season nears an end as mitts and bats come up from the basement. The YMCA is less crowded. Humans begin to outnumber the geese at the park. The river unfroze.
I think I'll go sort out my shorts. Maybe take my bike off the garage rafter.

Llega la primavera,

Pepino S.

Pepino Musical

Pepino Suave's "London Bridges" remix, "Orejas, Ojos, Nariz, Boca", has become a Yippie Skippie Top Ten hit throughout Pepinoville and the greater Pepinoville area. Kids are singing it in the hallways, minivans, and living rooms across the county. As they point to the appropriate facial features, the kids belt out the simple, yet inspired tune. Meanwhile, parents wince in pain.
The lyrics, for our Readers, are provided below, free of charge. No obligation. Keep your wallet in your pocket:

Orejas, ojos, nariz, boca

Nariz, boca

Nariz, boca

Orejas, ojos, nariz, boca

Mucho pelo!

Ears, eyes, nose, mouth

Nose, mouth

Nose, Mouth

Ears, eyes, nose, mouth

Lots of hair!

As the last line is sung, we run our fingers through our hair, or pat our pate, depending our own own personal hair line. Many Pepino Pupils take the opportunity, each time the song is performed, to point out the irony of my participation in the song. Bless the children.

Me pagan por eso,

Profesor Suave

Las Mananitas

Tomorrow, Pepina celebrates 40 years on this pickled planet. My child bride is all growed up. Li'l Pepinita and I set out to take her on a Two Score Tour of the State. We had planned on taking her a few hours North to cross-county ski with her shiny-new cross country skis (hand selected by P.Suave His Self). Ironically, six inches of snow fell during the March Pepinoville night, and we got stuck in our own driveway at the outset of the journey. We decided on a much shorter trip. We found ourselves at a snow board park a nary 20 minutes from Casa Suave. Pepina and Li'l Pepinita giggled and tumbled for a few hundred acres, and then returned to the shed for hot cocoa. We're renting a room about five city blocks from our home, and are pretending we are at a ski lodge up North.
It's working.
See ya' on the slopes.

Demasiado nieve,

Pepino Resbaloso