El Fin De La Temporada Escolar

School's out. No more teacher's dirty looks (Note to self: work on getting along with colleagues). Anyway, here we are, the time of year everyone and their brother envies Pepino's job. Stay tuned for a new special feature, the Pickled Summer Vacation BlogLog (What a Teacher Does When School's Out). In the meantime, I leave you with an excerpt from a recent education association newsletter. After a few seconds of Google research, I found it to be fictional, but still something a weary educator can identify with (and laugh at) - pardon the dangle:

The following is an answering machine message for the Pacific Palisades High School in California. The school and teachers were being sued by parents who wanted their children's failing grades changed to passing grades even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school work to pass their classes.
This was voted unanimously by the office staff as the actual answering machine message for the school:
"Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting with the right staff member, please listen to all your options before making a selection:
To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
To make excuses for why your child did not do his/her work - Press 2
To complain about what we do - Press 3
To swear at staff members - Press 4
To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several fliers mailed to you - Press 5
If you want us to raise your child - Press 6
If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7
To request another teacher for the third time this year - Press 8
To complain about bus transportation - Press 9
To complain about school lunches - Press 0
If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable/responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework, and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child(ren)'s lack of effort, hang up and have a nice day!"

Alice Cooper lo decia,

Pepino Veranero